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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24462640">How to lie to children effectively</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilac_Demetrius/pseuds/Lilac_Demetrius'>Lilac_Demetrius</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>BabyBatCult [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, DCU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cass tries to protect her boys from the bullies, Humor, Kid Fic, Mentions decapitation but it's all fake, brothers being brothers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:02:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24462640</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilac_Demetrius/pseuds/Lilac_Demetrius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce's kids are smart and mature so sometimes he can forget that they're just kids. </p><p>And kids are extremely gullible</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cassandra Cain &amp; Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd &amp; Bruce Wayne &amp; Damian Wayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>BabyBatCult [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1278338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>218</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How to lie to children effectively</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bruce hummed to himself as he watched Cass, Tim and Damian play on the playground Bruce brought back when Dick was first adopted. </p><p>Dick particularly liked the monkey bars and spent most of his time playing on those. The swings weren’t installed until after Jason was adopted.</p><p>They also had a treehouse nearby but Dick had claimed that as his man-cave and said that little kids weren’t allowed in it.</p><p>That, of course, didn't stop the younger kids. Bruce didn't know what they did up in the tree house but so far Dick hadn’t caught onto the fact that they were ‘illegally’ going up there.</p><p>Dick and Jason were kicking a ball back and forth with each other. Jason recently joined a soccer team because a few of his friends told him how fun it was. Jason, who told his friends that he was great at soccer, was invited to join their team.</p><p>Jason, who never played soccer a day in his life, was now trying to learn all he could about soccer.</p><p>Jason was lucky that he was naturally athletic and talented. Bruce would have liked for Jason to learn a lesson about lying to his friends but from the looks of it, the 10 year old might actually be able to pull his lie off.</p><p>It was impressive and Bruce was a little proud. Not that he would tell Jason that. He didn't want to encourage lying to friends and other bad behaviors. </p><p>Tim, Cass and Damian were playing their own game on the swings and slide. They all had on strange looking crowns that were made of leaves and sticks. Cass had a longer, thicker stick in her little hand that she was waving around like a wizard.</p><p>Or maybe she was supposed to be a princess. She was wearing a long sleeved pastel pink baby doll dress with white leggings. </p><p>Either way, she was waving her stick around while Damian aggressively swung on the swing and Tim dramatically collapsed on top of the slide before sliding down it.</p><p>After a minute Tim got up and started swinging too. A few minutes later Tim and Damian were having a swinging contest while Cass played on the slide.</p><p>Bruce decided then to go out. He was totally not getting lonely or anything, thank you Alfred. It was a nice day and Bruce wanted to enjoy it.</p><p>He settled down by the tree and listened to Jason and Dick as he pulled out his book and pretended to read.</p><p>“All I’m saying is that if you need any advice about being an athlete, you can always come to me. After all, I was on my High School’s football team.” Dick said.</p><p>“You were on a football team for like what, an hour?” Jason quipped back.</p><p>Dick made an offended sound. “I’ll have you know that I was on the team for a week and the only reason I left was because I was tragically injured. The injury was pretty bad, I was told I might never be able to play again.”</p><p>Jason snorted. “You twisted your ankle trying to throw popcorn into your mouth and you tripped over the carpet. Besides, the doctor said you would fully recover in a few weeks.”</p><p>Dick huffed. “All I’m saying is that I think this will be good for you. The bonding and friendship between team members, everyone fighting for a common goal. It’s magical and I will never forget the memories my team and I made together.” </p><p>Bruce could feel Jason rolling his eyes at that statement.</p><p>“I’m going to head in and get some more water. Do you want me to fill your water while I’m at it?” Dick asked.</p><p>“Sure. Thanks.” Jason said.</p><p>Bruce watched Dick jog back to the manor with two empty water bottles in his hands.</p><p>Jason lasted a few minutes before migrating over to where Cass, Tim and Damian were playing. </p><p>“Hey Demon Cult, whatchu up to?” Jason asked. </p><p>Bruce could feel the blank stares the trio were sending Jason’s way.</p><p>Jason cleared his throat. “Right. You’re swinging and playing on the slide. You know, it wouldn’t kill you to humor me every once in a while.”</p><p>“I do not see the point in answering pointless questions.” Damian said quietly. </p><p>“Whatever, one of you wants to give up your swing while I wait for Dickie to return?” Jason asked.</p><p>“Not particularly.” Tim said softly. </p><p>“I’ll show you a trick! Come on, it’ll only be for five minutes while I wait for Dick to come back.” Jason whined.</p><p>Neither boy budged.</p><p>Jason sighed and fell silent for a minute while Tim and Damian swung higher and higher.</p><p>A devious smirk fell over Jason’s face.</p><p>“You know, if you swing to high you’ll flip over and get decapitated.” he said casually.</p><p>Tim and Damian gave him weird looks.</p><p>“That’s not true.” Cass chimed in from behind Jason, causing him to jump.</p><p>Jason glared at her for a second before smiling. “Of course it is. It happened to my friend's neighbor’s son.”</p><p>“You’re lying. You don’t have friends.” Tim hummed.</p><p>“I do so!” Jason huffed.</p><p>“What’s his name?”</p><p>Jason’s eyes widened for a second before disappearing. “Uh, Peter… Uh Blue-sky.”</p><p>“Peter Blue Sky?”</p><p>“Peter Bluesky.” Jason said confidently. </p><p>“Oh yeah. What’s the name of the headless kid?” Damian asked.</p><p>Jason swallowed before shrugging. “I don’t know, he never said. But I saw pictures, it’s true.”</p><p>“I don’t believe you,” Tim said.</p><p>Bruce saw doubt and hesitation in Damian’s eyes though and he was pretty sure that Jason saw it too cause the smirk grew.</p><p>“You know Damian, the little boy was about your age. He was just playing on the swings on a day like today and he got a little too cocky. He thought he was going to swing higher than anyone else in the world but he forgot that the swings can only go so high.” Jason lowered his voice and got right up to Damian’s face. The little boy stopped swinging a little while ago.</p><p>“That’s obvious. The chains are only so long.” Damian said weakly. “He was an idiot.”</p><p>“He was having so much fun that he didn't realize how high he was going.” Jason whispered. “And then BOOM!” Damian flinched. “He went too high and when he came back down it was in two pieces.” Jason finished proudly. “I heard that it cut his head clean off. He was dead by the time his little body hit the ground.”</p><p>“Stop scaring him! Dami, it’s not true.” Cass said.</p><p>Jason puffed his chest out. “If you don’t believe me, just ask Dick or Dad or Alfred. They’ll tell you the same thing as I did.”</p><p>“You’re lying,” Tim accused, though Bruce could sense doubt in his eyes as well.</p><p>“He’s not,” Dick appeared behind Tim and Damian, causing both of them to jump. “You know, I heard a similar thing happened to one of my classmates’ sisters. She didn't lose her whole head though. It was still barely attached. She was alive in agony for 2 hours before she died.” he said in a creepy voice.</p><p>“Not you too!” Cass whined. “Be nice. They’re little.” she huffed.</p><p>“It’s true though. Cass just haven’t met anyone that happened to yet.” Jason said logically.</p><p>Cass huffed and ran over to Bruce. She fell in his lap and pointed at Jason and Dick. “Make them stop! They are scaring the little ones.”</p><p>Bruce looked over at his four boys. They were all staring at him expectantly.</p><p>Bruce cleared his throat. “You know, I actually met the parents of a little girl who lost her head in a swing related incident. Her mother was devastated and started a petition to ban swings in parks because of this.”</p><p>Damian actually started crying at that. He ran back to the manor, calling for Alfred.</p><p>Tim looked scared as well. He was probably 60% sure that swings could cause decapitation which Bruce counted as a win. He just stared at Jason, Dick, Bruce and Cass before heading back to the manor with a puzzled expression on his face.</p><p>Cass looked like she was starting to doubt as well and she followed Tim and Damian into the manor, probably to help them confront Alfred.</p><p>Once they were gone Jason and Dick started laughing uncontrollably.</p><p>“Did you see his face?” Dick laughed. </p><p>“I can’t believe Damian started crying!” Jason crowed.</p><p>Bruce chuckled slightly. Whenever they calmed down, one of the boys would look at the other and start laughing again. </p><p>“We’re going to have to apologize to them aren’t we?” Jason said after about 10 minutes of laughing.</p><p>“Alfred will be mad.” Dick agreed.</p><p>They were solemn at the thought.</p><p>Alfred was scary, even Bruce tried to stay on his good side.</p><p>“Yeah, let’s go apologize. Better do this now before we let it fester.” Jason suggested.</p><p>Bruce got up and stretched. He led the boys inside and headed to the kitchen where he knew Alfred would be.</p><p>The three of them held back as Alfred’s soothing voice filled the air. “Master Bruce wouldn’t lie to you. They were telling the truth. Swinging too aggressively is dangerous. I once had to clean up after a child who lost his head on the playground. Terribly messy and I would prefer not having to clean up your blood or brains either. Now go shower and get ready for dinner. I’ll be up to help in a bit.”</p><p>Once the three small kids were gone Bruce, Jason and Dick entered the kitchen with a shocked look on their faces.</p><p>Alfred just smiled at them. “Dinner will be ready in an hour.” was all he said before leaving the room.</p><p>Jason and Dick just blinked. “Now I’m starting to believe it. Swings can’t actually decapitate a person, right?” Jason asked.</p><p>“I’m pretty sure. I mean… they aren’t even sharp or anything.” Dick said numbly.</p><p>The two boys just turned to Bruce but Bruce just raised an eyebrow at them. “Would both me and Alfred lie to you kids?”</p><p>Dick and Jason just blinked at him. Bruce stretched and headed towards his office to finish his book. “I’ll see you guys at dinner.” he said with a smile on his face.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Review for Damian and Tim’s sanity</p></blockquote></div></div>
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